Most people come to me to help them manifest a change. They want to stop a behavior, start a behavior or perhaps even figure out what they should be doing in general. When clients come to me to make a behavior change, often they do not realize how much they might have to do in order to get to the point where they are ready to change - especially when it comes to something like quitting smoking or losing weight. Losing weight, for example, is an obvious process: you take in fewer calories, exercise more, and eventually the weight will come off. Well, if you have ever struggled with that process you will understand that there is so much more to it than that. This is because we are not simply physical beings. We have four parts of us that come together: we are physical, spiritual, mental and emotional. So, making any change we have to consider all four aspects of the self. What if eating fills an emotional need? What if eating fills a spiritual void or helps settle your mind so you process your thoughts more easily? There is more to changing any behavior than just the physical process that we go through. Manifesting one thing often means we need to change many things.
There are some steps that I suggest you consider before attempting to manifest anything into or out of your life. One of the first things I suggest is to own your “story” completely. This is not the same as blaming yourself. This is about understanding that somehow, on an energy level, you attract what you have in your life. You are the reason for everything in your life. Obviously if someone else betrayed you, you did not make them do it. But, you attracted the situation where you were betrayed. You are the source of all of your experiences, both good and bad. The only way to change anything is to admit ownership. If you cannot do that, then you have no power to make anything better. Once you are willing to admit you created a situation, no matter how far-fetched that might seem, you are poised to make it better going forward.
Once you own your story and stop looking outward to blame someone else or something else for your situation, you become present in your power. Your power is in the here and now, it is not in some uncertain future or some awful past. In terms of energy, there is only now. I teach my clients that joy can only be found in present time. So, if you are hoping some change will make you feel good in the future, but you spend all your time complaining and upset in the present, you will have no ability to ever feel good. Energy flows and gains momentum. So, if in the present you do not feel good about your body, you are ensuring you will not feel good about your body in the future. The only way to ever feel good about your body is not to lose weight, it is to make a decision to feel good about your body now.
It can seem like a strange concept to consider that the only way to make a successful change is to love a situation before you change it. It seems more natural to allow ourselves to feel bad about a negative situation of our creation. We might worry that if we give ourselves a “break” then we are letting ourselves off the hook in some way. But think of it like this: we usually do not do things because we are awful or stupid. We do them because they serve a need within us that we have not found a way to serve in a better or more appealing way. We tend to do things that feel good. Once they feel good, we want more of those things. So, in an example of losing weight, we have one moment of joy in eating, then hours of plaguing ourselves with guilt and shame. What happens if we just allow ourselves to let go of the guilt and shame? Our fear is that we will never be motivated to change because we will simply be happy. Perhaps for a little while you might. But, when you accept your current situation you put yourself in the energy of love and peace. When you can relax and sink into the present moment, you put yourself in the stream of energy of love. Once you are in the energy of joy and love, you are poised to attract more joy and love. When we are in the energy of joy and love, we tend to not “need” things to make us feel better, as we already do. Also, if losing weight is part of what would truly be joyous to you, it would be more natural in the energy of love for you to lose it and it will not feel like a painful journey, it will unfold naturally.
Manifesting is more than just making a physical change in your life. It is about becoming the energy that is a match for the change that you want to make. Preparing yourself for the change is an integral part in making any change. The more you step into the energy of what it is that you want, the easier and more organic the entire process of change will become.
The HOW TO with Kim Mazzella is a weekly column featuring Kim's expert life coaching tips for the modern woman navigating entrepreneurship, motherhood, work-life balance, and more!
ABOUT KIM MAZZELLA:
Kim Mazzella, founder of the Life Guidance Center, is a Healer, Teacher, Spiritual Coach and Writer. Her work is based in the belief that our natural state is health and wholeness. Her job is to help those she works with remove the blocks that they have placed in the way of the free flow of energy and healing. She integrates the knowledge from her study of A Course in Miracles and universal laws with her study of massage and understanding of the body’s energy system to create a holistic approach to healing and change.