Do your thoughts ever get fixated on something over which you have very little control? The state of the world, the health of another, what another person thinks about you; these are all types of things that can keep you up at night. Yet, all that worry is draining: it leaves you spent, anxious and truly unhappy. When you find yourself focused and worried about something over which you have little or no control this is called “giving your power away.” We give our power to something “out there,” and believe that thing has the power to hurt us. These things seem very real. Also, there is the chance that the thing we fear can affect us - so it's not necessarily irrational to worry. But it is unproductive and may even attract the thing we fear. Giving your power away can move your life off track or keep you stuck in a place that will eventually make you more and more unhappy.
I am a Life Coach and Energy Healer, but I also live a life and understand how easy it is to get fixated on worrisome things. These things do not even have to be monumental; something as simple as going away on vacation could be enough to throw us into a tailspin of thought that might last for weeks. We might obsess that we will miss our flight, lose our passport, get lost or even possibly get hurt. Each thought seems to multiply, producing many other thoughts that induce fear or anger. The rule of energy that explains this is “where thoughts go, energy flows.” When you allow yourself to think about something, you are creating the condition to continue thinking about that thing. Each thought that you focus on will attract similar thoughts. The more time you allow these thoughts to continue, the more strength they have. Please understand that I am not saying that the world is a perfect place and nothing bad ever happens to upset us. I am not saying that these things do not exist. I am saying that no matter what happens in any situation, if you find yourself focused on what you do not want instead of what you do want then you are giving your power away. It is human to do so. I do it also. But it does not change the fact about what it is. The silver lining to giving your power away is that you can take it back whenever you want. Taking your power back is the same as making a decision to feel better.
Energetically speaking, no one and nothing really has the power to get in your way. When it comes to the power of your own energy, the only thing that can harm you is you. The only source of sadness, frustration, anger, upset and not getting what you want is you. Because nothing in the world has the power to affect you unless you allow it to affect you. Of course, you can say, but if this law changes it will affect me. Perhaps. But, how much has any law really held you back or stopped you from living your life the way you want to live? We live in a diverse world with many opportunities and options. Worrying about something that may or may not happen does not give you what you want. There is, however, one thing with the most potential of giving you what you want. That one thing is to FOCUS. The more you think about what you want instead of what you do not want, the more you are poised in the position of getting it. Granted, just thinking of what you want is not going to ensure you get it. But, it will absolutely ensure you start to feel better and you take your power back.
The energy of fear is the same energy as resistance. Resistance is not necessarily a bad thing. It allows you the space to consider what you want more clearly. Resistance will always feel uncomfortable in our energy system, because energy is meant to flow. Eventually, if we stay in resistance we get sick. All an acupuncturist does is helps to stimulate the flow of energy to relieve resistance. Energy must always, eventually, start flowing again. When you find yourself uncomfortable, or upset, you are actually in a state of resistance. What are you resisting? You are resisting the flow of your energy. You are resisting your well-being.
When your energy flows, you are claiming your power. The first step in taking your power back is to recognize that you are giving it away. How do you know you are not in your power? You are worried or upset. If you are in any emotion that is not peace or better than peace, you are not in your power. In the Abraham Hicks books, Esther Hicks offers a wonderful and simple tool for shifting the focus of our energy. If you find yourself feeling bad, say to yourself, “I am feeling negative, so I must be thinking about what I do not want. What is it I want?” Then, start to describe and define the things that you do want. Once you are clear about what it is that you want, the next step is to answer the question, “Why am I going to get what I want?”
In the “Seth” books by Jane Roberts, there is a wonderful rule of life that explains that every problem, no matter how dire, comes with it a set of solutions. This thought gives me comfort when I'm in a sticky situation and considering why I am going to get what I want. If I know that every problem has several positive potential outcomes, I can easily move into the assumption that there is a positive outcome for this situation. I just have not thought of it yet. By allowing my mind to wander to “why” I am going to get what I want, I am no longer a victim of this situation. I am poised in the direction of reclaiming my power.
Sometimes, it is hard to flip a situation in the immediate moment. You might say to yourself, “I am upset, so I must be thinking about what I do not want. What is it that I do want?” and you draw a blank. You are in such a fear state of worry that you cannot even consider that what you want is possible. This is when I suggest moving in a completely different direction. If deciding what you want is not possible at this moment decide that, no matter what, you are going to find a way to feel better. As I have discussed in many past articles, our best thinking is never done in a state of worry. If you cannot get clear on what you want, get clear on the idea that you deserve to feel better. A great way to do this is finding a comedian that makes you laugh on YouTube or television. If comedy feels impossible, read something that gives you comfort or even listen to music to find a neutral emotion. Once you get yourself in the neutral emotion you can ask yourself the question again and see if the answer becomes clearer.
Reclaiming your personal power does not mean life will immediately get easier. Sometimes you might have some “clean up” of the decisions you made while you were in a state of fear. But, by reestablishing your personal power you allow your mind to let go of the thoughts of fear so you can make decisions based on your authentic self and that will bring you to peace.
The HOW TO with Kim Mazzella is a weekly column featuring Kim's expert life coaching tips for the modern woman navigating entrepreneurship, motherhood, work-life balance, and more!
ABOUT KIM MAZZELLA:
Kim Mazzella, founder of the Life Guidance Center, is a Healer, Teacher, Spiritual Coach and Writer. Her work is based in the belief that our natural state is health and wholeness. Her job is to help those she works with remove the blocks that they have placed in the way of the free flow of energy and healing. She integrates the knowledge from her study of A Course in Miracles and universal laws with her study of massage and understanding of the body’s energy system to create a holistic approach to healing and change.