Making the right choice is challenging. Chances are, throughout your day at work or at home you are going to have to make a decision about something about which you are uncertain. In these situations, you might go to your mentor or trusted friend to get their opinions. You might do research online or in the library, trying to gain the best perspective to make the right decision. But still, in some situations there is no clear “best choice.” All these methods might make your decision easier, but there are times when the more time and effort you give to making a decision, the more confused you become.
Choice is a powerful thing. People have fought for the freedom of choice throughout the ages. Yet, as empowering as the inherent right to freedom of choice can be, we have all suffered consequences of a wrong choice. In our businesses, the wrong choice could end our career. It is not unwise to weigh the consequences or our choices or consider the ramifications of our actions before making difficult decisions. Yet, there are always going to be times when you have to choose something you feel doubt about. Otherwise, you might never go anywhere or do anything. Most of the time, life does not give you the luxury of a guarantee. So, how do we make a good choice when we have no idea what the right choice is?
As a Life Coach and Energy Healer I see every session with a client as a discussion of choice. Your energy body represents the combination of the energy of your inner beliefs with your outer choices. The beauty of living in a free society is that we can learn from our choices, make adjustments and try again. This does not mean that things will always go our way, but as long as we are still living and breathing we can always learn from our mistakes. My goal with my clients is never to tell them what to do, but instead to help them create the best possible environment for making good choices.
One of the things to consider when making a choice is to determine what you truly want and what choice is in line with who you are and where you want to get to. This sounds obvious, but it often is the crux of the situation when we are confused about our decisions. Often, we get confused because what we want might not be in line with what we think we want or what we should want. For example, you might think you are at a point in your career when you know you should move forward or take steps to rise to the next level. You might find yourself looking online at available jobs and making effort to update your resume. Then you find yourself confused about what types of jobs are the right next step for you. Part of the problem might be that your gut is telling you that you really are not wanting to make the change. You are happy where you are. But, your friends and colleagues tell you that you should strive for more. The real choice that you need to make is if you honestly want to change your job in the first place or if you are making that decision because you feel you should. Often, we are unclear about a choice because there are other choices involved with it that are not aligned with our true self.
You need to cut away the clutter of the “shoulds” and the voices of others so that you can find your own way. There are many techniques that I teach to do this, but before I even approach the choice, I suggest creating an inner sanctuary. This is a place that you can go to at any time of the day in any situation. It’s a place where only you and your highest thoughts are allowed. The inner sanctuary is a place you create in your mind where you can find calm. When we get upset our sympathetic nervous system kicks in, literally acting to add stress to the body by causing our heart to beat faster and sending more blood to our large muscle groups. This is so we have the energy to run or to fight, hence it is called the “fight or flight” response. The one thing this type of stress is not good for is thinking. Our sympathetic nervous system kicks in so we can act quickly. Our thought process goes out the window. This is why we often make bad decisions when we are upset; we literally have less ability to think clearly. By allowing our mind to go quiet and realize our inner calm, we ensure that we will not choose by a simple reaction. Instead we create the space to best deliberate.
So, to create an inner sanctuary you simply create a room in your head. I suggest that you close your eyes and create a beautiful room and practice going into the room and feeling instantly calm. You can decorate this room with whatever furniture, fabrics and colors that feel wonderful to you. This is a space of creation and peace. When you go there you should feel instant relief. The great thing about this room is that it is completely private, you can travel there and no one even has to know you are there. I suggest practicing going into this room several times a day and even trying to go there with your eyes open. The most important part is to make sure you feel peace in the room. You can imagine music playing or have windows that look out at the beach. Try to figure out what images or thoughts calm your mind quickly. Once you have a beautiful sanctuary established and you always feel good when you are there, this is the place from which you make your decisions.
Creating a sanctuary does not necessarily mean that you will never make a wrong choice again. What it does mean is that you recognize that you deserve the time to make a good decision. Some environments lend themselves to clear thinking and some do not. By creating an inner sanctuary you create a space where you can let go of the internal clutter of other people’s opinions and your own “shoulds” and decide what is really right for you with a calm mind.
The HOW TO with Kim Mazzella is a weekly column featuring Kim's expert life coaching tips for the modern woman navigating entrepreneurship, motherhood, work-life balance, and more!
ABOUT KIM MAZZELLA:
Kim Mazzella, founder of the Life Guidance Center, is a Healer, Teacher, Spiritual Coach and Writer. Her work is based in the belief that our natural state is health and wholeness. Her job is to help those she works with remove the blocks that they have placed in the way of the free flow of energy and healing. She integrates the knowledge from her study of A Course in Miracles and universal laws with her study of massage and understanding of the body’s energy system to create a holistic approach to healing and change.