There are always times in life when things do not work out like we hope. Dinner gets burned, the computer crashes, we misplace our keys. Usually we just shrug our shoulders and move on, finding a way to manage these small misfires. But, when something does not work out and we feel betrayed, it is hard to just shrug and go forward. We might want to fight, we might want to cry or we might rally against the injustice. Sometimes we crawl inside ourselves and assume it means we did something wrong. Regardless of our reaction, a betrayal needs to be processed in order to move on.
For many, the American election has been an experience of a betrayal. As a woman, my initial reaction was horror that a man that I perceived as a misogynist and bigot was elected to lead. I felt betrayed, confused and angry. Many of my friends felt the same way. As a Life Coach and Energy Healer I recognized that while my initial reaction was valid for my human experience, remaining in this feeling of betrayal would not be an effective use of my energy. I know that the way I feel is based on the thoughts that I think, and there are all different thoughts to think on a subject. I also know that for every subject I can find either empowering or disempowering thoughts. The important rule to remember about energy is “our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings are the basis of our ENERGY BROADCAST.” What is our energy broadcast? It is the signal that we put out into the world about what WE WANT. Our energy broadcast is like a homing device, it attracts all similar things. By staying in the feeling of betrayal, I am actually telling the world I am “betrayable.” Because energy only deals in the positive, it always says “YES!” to our feelings and brings us more of them. So, the more I allow myself to feel betrayed, the more fearful I will become. The more fearful I become the “louder” the energy of betrayal becomes and I become caught in an endless loop of betrayal.
So, how do we turn our feelings of betrayal into something positive? First, we do not want to deny the experience. Bad things do happen. Rape, robbery and violence all exist and those things has happened to many of us. Betrayal is one of the lowest forms of energy because we question our ability to trust something we once believed. Energetically speaking, it is impossible to sweep something under the rug. It is like the law of inertia: a body in motion remains in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. We will continue moving forward with feeling until we find a way to think differently. So we say, “This awful thing happened and I feel really bad about it.” We admit our feeling. Then we recognize that feeling negative about a bad experience is a valid way to feel, but we can change our feelings about it. There is a wonderful line in the book, A Course in Miracles, that says “understand that you do not respond to anything directly, but your interpretation of it.” Often, when I work with someone that feels negative based on an experience, they might say, “But of course I feel bad, this thing really happened. It would be impossible to feel any other way.” My response might be something like, “Are you sure that is true?”
There is one rule of energy that causes the most difficulty with my clients. When I first teach it they all say, “Okay, that makes sense,” but when we apply it to one of their life situations they resist and struggle with the concept. This rule is: energetically speaking, you are the source of everything you experience.” Now, let me make this clear: you are not the source of everything that happens in the world, but you are the source of everything that happens in YOUR world. So, as a coach all I ask is that my clients stay open to this statement: “If you are upset about an election that did not go your way, there was something in your energy field that is a match to that experience.” Perhaps, collectively, we might not be resonating in our power, but in our fear. Perhaps, individually, we have feelings of self-doubt or insecurity. Both individually and collectively, we attracted this situation. Our power in any sense of betrayal is to own our part, because that is the only place where we have the power to change it.
Many are currently taking to the streets to protest the Presidential election. On the level of the human experience there is a validity to expressing emotion and protests might have a psychological benefit in processing anger. On a collective level a protest does bring more clarity, awareness and energy to the conflict, however; in terms of energy healing, protesting is the energy of resistance. Resistance keeps you in the problem, not the solution. Until we are willing to go beyond our anger we are not yet at the point where we are attracting the change that we want, which in energy terms can be seen as the process of healing. We do not want to heal in order to sweep our emotions under the rug and admit defeat. We start the healing process in order to ATTRACT WHAT WE REALLY WANT. When you are in protest you are still not taking the first step, which is accepting that the betrayal occurred. You are still in the process of clarifying what you want.
After we express our negative emotions the next best step is to figure out how we attracted this experience and what we can do to attract what we really want. This process involves forgiveness. In energy terms, forgiveness is a process of understanding that we attracted the experience and we need to change in order to attract a better experience. A protest keeps you focused on what you do not want, because wherever our thoughts go our energy flows. We need to figure out the beliefs that we hold and the thoughts that we think that are a match to attracting an injustice, and work on changing them. We can get involved in therapy, coaching or support groups that are focused on creating positive changes. We can also get involved in groups or activities focused on making the changes that would ensure the injustice no longer has a place in the world. There are countless ways to have an impact: from as simple as calling your local congressman or congresswoman, to becoming your local congressman or congresswoman. You can join a group that supports your cause or if there is no group you can even start one. This is how groups such as MADD were created. At some point in the grieving process these parents realized the best use of the energy and pain might be forming a group to change legislation and better inform the community.
Feeling bad after a disappointment and a betrayal is natural. But, these experiences can be seen as lessons that can catapult us forward emotionally. We can see them as the unbalanced force that help us to clarify our desires. The best use of energy is always to focus on what you want, rather than fighting against what you don’t want. Looking at our role in what we attracted, forgiving ourselves and then moving forward with a new focus and motivation is the best use of the tragedy of betrayal.
The HOW TO with Kim Mazzella is a weekly column featuring Kim's expert life coaching tips for the modern woman navigating entrepreneurship, motherhood, work-life balance, and more!
ABOUT KIM MAZZELLA:
Kim Mazzella, founder of the Life Guidance Center, is a Healer, Teacher, Spiritual Coach and Writer. Her work is based in the belief that our natural state is health and wholeness. Her job is to help those she works with remove the blocks that they have placed in the way of the free flow of energy and healing. She integrates the knowledge from her study of A Course in Miracles and universal laws with her study of massage and understanding of the body’s energy system to create a holistic approach to healing and change.